this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
