She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
