you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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