I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
