last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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