In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
