I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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