Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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