i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
