Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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