I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i will never coherently bang her
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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