She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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