dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
