Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
