The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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