I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
