im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My vagina just clenched in fear
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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