it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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