just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
