If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
