I hate your face
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
