Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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