Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the day after is always just damage control
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
