Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
