"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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