I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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