What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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