i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
