take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Pooping to opera.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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