somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
