You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
