i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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