hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
