shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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