Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
