I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
