wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
