You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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