are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
