sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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