I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
