$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
