I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
