Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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