I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
