I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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