That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
