Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
