I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize