Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
