My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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