Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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