so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
