did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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