we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
