That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You smell like stripper and shame
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
