I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
