I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
