the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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