i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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