Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
