I want to have your abortion
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
