Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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