I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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