Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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