that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize