i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
