I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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