Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
