Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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