Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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