i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The power of my boobs compel you
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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