Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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