I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
